So You Say You’re Tired of Being Single
Being single can be a dreaded fate. Beyond your friends and family, you have a certain kind of love that isn’t being fulfilled. Sure, your Chihuahua is cute and he’s always there as soon as you walk into your apartment after a long day’s work but you’d really prefer to spend your time with someone who won’t piss on your freshly polished hardwood floors. What you want is consistency. Want you want is reciprocity. What you want is someone to share your dinner with. What you want is someone to share a joint with. Someone to make love to. To scream your name. You want the mushy shit on Valentine’s day. You want the couple Facebook photos. You want it all!
Understanding the Reality of Romance
Romance is sold to us everywhere. We were raised on Disney movies in youth and in adulthood are exposed to the latest celebrity hookups. Almost every woman has a dream of finding a prince. And every man wants a woman to call his dream girl. We don’t just date, we online date. Some of us speed date. Some of us long distance online date. We wish to be fulfilled emotionally and physically. We need it biologically. What’s unfortunate however is that while we’re told about all the wonderful things love can offer, we are not shown the reality of what work love truly takes.
Your friends who are already coupled tell you that it’s not as easy as it may seem. Meaning that beyond all the wonderful things relationships are often known for, there is another side to the reality. They admit that relationships can be great, depending on how much work you’re willing to put into it. Relationships take a mutual understanding and shared effort. There are some shitty arguments loaded with guilt. Some days you’re not sure who was right or who was wrong, you just want it to be over and back to normal. There are days you don’t know why you do it anymore. And there are days you know exactly why you stay. You’re in love. And love comes with the realization that even relationships have some high and low tides. They take effort and most importantly, a willingness to understand where the other person is coming from. It means understanding the other’s humanness.
“But I just can’t stand being Alone!”
First of all, sister/brother, let’s get this shit straight. You are never really alone. The world is full of people. I’m sure you must have some family or some friends, and I’m sure if you don’t there are coworkers and meetup groups you CAN go to. Don’t take for granted the people that are already in your life. How would you feel if they did? If you’re feeling isolated, stop torturing yourself. Nobody said you have to spend your Friday nights on Facebook. There is a whole world waiting for YOU. So please don’t let yourself fall into this mentality. And stop it with the Elliot Smiths songs already. Life is not that awful!
The Rude Awakening
Some people in relationships have a rude awakening. This rude awakening usually happens when they realize they’ve completely lost themselves. It often happens because we get so swept off our feet. It’s usually because we want to make sure we are “giving it our all!” And hey, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be present and available to your lover. That’s normal. But what we don’t realize is how necessary it is to still function as your own human being. We forget that our partner was interested in us because of how we functioned… Alone! We must take the time to acknowledge how necessary it is to actually claim our independence.
Why it’s Important to Enjoy Solitude
When we have the time to be alone we are blessed. We are given the opportunity to relax and reflect. We are given time to do as we please and what we please. Feel like going to the gym? Great. Need to paint your toe nails? By all means. Been meaning to get working on your memoir? Honey, don’t hold back!
The thing is that when you’re alone, you get to spend quality time with Yourself. You are your best friend and you should tend to this relationship. Despite being social beings, the person you must know that you can rely on is yourself. Are you financially independent? Do you have your health? Are you happy with your career? Are there things in life you haven’t done yet? Even those who are in relationships need alone time to reflect and recuperate.
Don’t Seek Completion
The mistake many of us make is looking for our partners to complete us. This makes it easy to not only lose ourselves but to put an immense amount of pressure on our lovers. Romance is different for everyone. Not everyone wants or can handle that sort of an expectation. Some may be happy to complete you, others may feel overwhelmed and flee. You have to understand what the other person is looking for and what they’re capable of handling. When you become intimate with someone, it’s easy to share many aspects of your life. But remember that your problems are still your own to resolve. And that it’s your responsibility to do so. In this sense, it’s better to seek someone who will be complimentary to you in a relationship. Someone who can serve as a form of support and encouragement and be a mirror, rather than someone who serves as your safety net.
Let’s Change Our Perspective
Being single can be a wonderful fate. Along with your friends and family, you receive so much love and for the love you don’t receive, you are sure to fulfill the desire elsewhere. Your Chihuahua is cute and he’s always there as soon as you walk into your apartment after a long day’s work. Even if he is sure to piss on your freshly polished hardwood floors you’re easy to forgive it, and know that soon you’ll be cozy on the couch together watching a movie. You have consistency in the life you’ve developed for yourself. While you want love that is romantically reciprocal, you know you ought to wait for the person that is truly compatible to fulfill it. You don’t mind having dinner alone, sometimes you invite a friend over. You don’t mind smoking alone either, sometimes the roof and the stars offer the best company. You may not have someone to make love to, but you make love to yourself, Regularly. On Valentine’s Day you go out with a friend, or stay in if you feel you can’t handle it. You don’t have couple photos on Facebook but you know how much they’ll mean when you do. You are content with yourself and love yourself. You’re open to waiting for love and make yourself emotionally available when you do meet someone who strikes your interest. You have it all because you’re living your life rather than waiting for someone to complete it.